Quoth Siddhartha: "What should I possibly have to tell you, oh venerable one? Perhaps that you're searching far too much? That in all that searching, you don't find the time for finding?" "How come?" asked Govinda. "When someone is searching," said Siddhartha, "then it might easily happen that the only thing his eyes still see … Continue reading Siddhartha and Govinda
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Evanescence (III)
3. St Anthony's Pool [Read parts I and II] It is early morning, Summer 1991, the gardens of a college-turned-retreat house on the western edge of London. The Heathrow-bound air-traffic screams deafeningly low overhead, heading for touch-down. I am praying beside a goldfish pond. I know that if I am still and patient the fish … Continue reading Evanescence (III)
Lear and Eurydice
Who is it that can tell me who I am?' King Lear's baffled and angry cry comes as he begins to recognise that what has hitherto 'told' him who he was – the attitudes of those around him, the visible trappings of power – has vanished. We rely on all sorts of things to tell … Continue reading Lear and Eurydice
Morning Prayer
There is always the feeling that I must get somewhere and achieve something or work something out. This is completely habitual. But really, prayer is nothing more than opening my heart to You. It is back to de Caussade and The Cloud. It is repeatedly remembering to relax back into Your presence; and then I … Continue reading Morning Prayer
Evanescence (II)
[Please read Part 1 first.] 2. Living in a Desert A hospital is parallel universe. Even as a member of staff it is possible to be admitted by the front doors and have an extended stay, being able to wash, have a haircut, buy food, enjoy café society, eat, and even sleep there – as … Continue reading Evanescence (II)
After walking Evening Prayer
I feel mild anxiety coming on. The day is ending. Night is approaching. All our labours are ceased. It is a little death. We are thrown into the darkness where there is nothing to be done. We exist in a vast emptiness. Our existence is no longer justified by our productivity. We are more readily … Continue reading After walking Evening Prayer
The Kingdom
When you say Yes to the Kingdom things once felt indispensable slip by. One by one (hardly noticeable at first) you see them slip away… All that you held on to, possessed, claimed, somehow disappears, melts into another horizon whilst you are busy with the new. You do not notice, until, in panic, you feel … Continue reading The Kingdom
Prayer of St Manchan
My wish, O Son of the Living God, ancient eternal King, is for a secret hut as my dwelling in the wilderness. Grey shallow water at its side; a clear pool for the cleansing of sins by the grace of the Holy Spirit. A lovely wood close by, around it at every side, to foster … Continue reading Prayer of St Manchan
Addiction and Grace
After twenty years of listening to the yearnings of people's hearts, I am convinced that all human beings have an inborn desire for God. Whether we are consciously religious or not, this desire is our deepest longing and out most precious treasure. It gives us meaning. Some of us have repressed this desire, burying it … Continue reading Addiction and Grace
Morning Prayer: Psalm 25
How much I don't want to pray! I have been so far from myself. I am trying to work out why I don't want to pray, but really I just need to go to the next level of coming home. … There is a depth in me, I feel it deep in my belly, to … Continue reading Morning Prayer: Psalm 25