the sensation of life
12 December 2015 I want to write about emptiness, loneliness, meaningless, and the apprehension of death. This is what I feel at the moment. But what to say? How to write about these feelings? I might say that there are days when I struggle with these feelings. There are days when I wonder what my … Continue reading Emptiness
The body holds deep sadness. The loss of people you love: those who have died; lovers and friends with whom you have fallen out, or lost touch; children who have moved away. The love you never received, that was not forthcoming; and the love you cannot give, your lack of capacity for loving. The loss … Continue reading Sadness
In prayer, when I attend to this body, there are two things I do. I remember and invoke sensations of God's presence that I experienced in the past. (See Where to start?). Ignatius calls this repetition.I feel into this body and attend to the body's sensations. The body tells me what I need to know … Continue reading Repetition
[09:47, Wednesday 15th October 2014: sitting at the open window overlooking a Stockwell street] Late to bed again last night. I just want to sit here and do nothing. There is quite a bit I should be getting on with, but I don't want to do any of it. I am unhappy. I hear the … Continue reading Presencing
To keep death before one's eyes daily. Rule of St Benedict, Chapter IV 1. The Hospital is a Desert As I have written here before, I was a hospital chaplain for about 8 years. It was difficult work and I struggled, but I count this time as a blessing. I encountered God on many occasions. … Continue reading Evanescence (I)
Time after time I came to your gate with raised hands, asking for more and yet more.You gave and gave, now in slow measure, now in sudden excess.I took some, and some things I let drop; some lay heavy on my hands; some I made into playthings and broke them when tired; till the wrecks … Continue reading Make no improvements
Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore. Naomi Shihab Nye In 3 reasons to prayer: 1, 2, 3, I wrote about what makes prayer difficult, why you avoid it, why you say you haven't the time or are not disciplined. In prayer you become, perhaps only dimly, aware of life's physical, emotional and … Continue reading Practise kindness
I am feeling it now, resistance to prayer. To pray, in the manner in which I pray, is to stop and to sit down, to relax and to let go. This is what I wrote about last month: relax and trust. But I don't want to. It hurts. As I relax, muscles that have been … Continue reading 3 reasons to pray: 1
But these two ways of describing the mystery of God—the way of darkness and the way of light, the ambiguity of silence and the transparency of articulation—can never be separated. There is danger in posing a sharp dichotomy between apophatic and kataphatic approaches, as if one were superior to the other, as if the higher … Continue reading Read from the heart
[This is the conclusion to Monday's post, Trust Me.] So, in what can we trust? Firstly what it is not: I cannot trust that I will find a parking space. I cannot trust that I will get that job I want. I cannot trust that my life will go well. I cannot trust that I … Continue reading Trust Me (conclusion)