The night is terrifying. In the dark and the solitude, in the chasm between the lighted bustle of the days, everything drops away and disappears in the depths. No identity left, given, assumed, or invented. No work. No significance. No ambition. No façade. Only being is left: this small, naked, freshly-minted mite of the Universe. … Continue reading The naked night
I am sitting in my bedroom where I have a little prayer corner. It is early on Sunday morning. The children are still asleep. Although it is cold outside, I have the window cracked open. I am swaddled in a dressing gown. I am listening to the sounds: a wood pigeon's coo, a crow's caw, … Continue reading Self-improvement; not.
12 December 2015 I want to write about emptiness, loneliness, meaningless, and the apprehension of death. This is what I feel at the moment. But what to say? How to write about these feelings? I might say that there are days when I struggle with these feelings. There are days when I wonder what my … Continue reading Emptiness
I am at St Beuno's for a conference of Ignatian trainers. It is so quiet here. I can hear my ears sing! The idea of progress, of self-improvement, of 'sorting it all out' and 'getting there': these ideas have such a hold on me. They pull me forward in my chest and head. Influenced by … Continue reading On being less
4. Prayer on retreat, July 2014 [Read parts I, II & III] Here I am again, looking for something exciting on the iPhone, doing everything I can to avoid prayer. It is addiction: anything to stop me coming home to myself, and the work of coming home to You. What am I doing? I am … Continue reading Evanescence (IV)
3. St Anthony's Pool [Read parts I and II] It is early morning, Summer 1991, the gardens of a college-turned-retreat house on the western edge of London. The Heathrow-bound air-traffic screams deafeningly low overhead, heading for touch-down. I am praying beside a goldfish pond. I know that if I am still and patient the fish … Continue reading Evanescence (III)
'So what is significant?' 'That today might be the last day of your life.' George Ivanovich laughed mockingly. 'But doesn't everyone know that?! Everyone knows that today could be the end of it all!' The man in the turban paused. 'Everyone knows it my friend. But not everyone feels it. Everyone knows it as a … Continue reading The last day of your life
Being in God's story is hard for humans because we can never know the meaning. The meaning is in the being, not the understanding. Everything you need is already given. Do not try to invent or create a life where you will feel really alive. Live.
You are part of something unimaginably bigger than you. You can have little or no idea what that is about. It is above your pay-grade. You are a single letter in the book of God's story. Each particle of this world is your sister or brother because we are all born of the same star; … Continue reading How to find God in the humblest of things (IV)
This morning I stand in the warm rays of the morning Sun – about 94 million miles, or 8 light minutes, away. All the atoms in this body yearn for their primal home, this Sun. So does my soul yearn for You, O God. [Look out for part IV tomorrow.]