You say you are lazy, but you’re not. You go to work. You get lots done. You check you emails, update your FaceBook page and your Twitter account. You surf the Net looking up things of interest to you. You spend hours researching and cooking nice meals. If you want to do it, you do it. You are not lazy. In fact, there is no time in the day when you are not doing something. This is not laziness.
You say you lack discipline, but you don’t. You get up in the morning. You make your bed. You make breakfast. You clean your teeth. You get the kids off to school. You make sure you eat. You do the dishes, wash the clothes, clean the bathroom, do the chores. You perform your work duties, despite the fact that there is much you don’t enjoy. All these things need to be done and you do them because you have learnt discipline.
You say you want to pray, but you don’t. You watch TV. You message or chat to your friends. You read your book. You listen to the radio. You fill this life up with so much – activity and ‘stuff’ – that there is no space for your desire for God: it is too dangerous.
You say you love God, but you don’t. Commitment to practice is a form of love; and you don’t practise.
God is terrifying. Your own deepest, truest self is frightening. “Every angel is terrifying.”
You are not lazy. You are not undisciplined. You are terrified.